Night 3 - December 25th, 2022
Alex Thorley and all their friends arrive at the Christmas party. Director Bridget Callahan, Agent Timothy Luttermann, and they even see Jennifer Williams holding a red solo cup in the back of the room. Jane's there too, in the back of Jen's head.
Some of the Integration Program people are here too. Director Paul Lague, Director Jay Dune, Director Geoffrey Harrison, even Researcher Doe is here, but they're not a director. They all hold presents and gifts.
Alex also has a present for them.
"What's the smile for, Thorley?" Paul says uneasily, raising an eyebrow at them. Thorley gestures over their shoulder, into the steam and fog. "What's that smell?" The edge falls off his voice. "Follow me," Alex replied, waving their hand.
"Hey, wait up!" Dune clasps a hand on Paul's shoulder. He brushes Dune off. "We are waiting," he says lightly. "Call everyone," Alex instructs, "We weren't able to import anything through the storm, so I made this."
They all go together into the kitchen, and see the table, where the steam and fog are coming from. Illuminated by the winter sun, a grand feast lays on the table:
Crepes
Alex used the following items as "tools":
- A blender, on lowest power setting.
- A non-sticking skillet.
Alex used the following items as "ingredients":
- The brand of peanut butter Nutella; or sugar, to put it on top.
- Vanilla flavoring.
- A teeny pinch of salt. Don't make it too spicy now!
- Three Big Eggs.
- One cup of water — equilibrium.
- One cup of milk — equilibrium.
- Two cups (fuck!) of all-purpose flour, or "general" flour.
Alex put them together with the following "techniques":
- They took the Big Eggs, the salt, the flavoring, the milk-water, and the flour, and then they put in the blender for a bit until it was all mixed up together.
- Then they put it in the fridge for a little bit. Only about a night.
- Then, they took their skillet, and they warmed it up. This was easier with the passing of the storm.
- They poured one-third into the pan, spread it out nice, then cooked it on both sides for as long as they wanted. After this, they had three sets of crepes.
- They squirted Nutella onto each of them for the flavor.
Alex put this dish on a fun plate with a deer in a holly bush on it.
Sugar cookies
Alex used the following items as "tools":
- An electric mixer.
- Many, many bowls.
- An 11-inch balloon whisk. Remember this?
- Plastic wrap.
- An oven! Remember this?
Alex used the following items as "ingredients":
- A cup of butter — equilibrium.
- Two ounces of cream cheese, but not from a goat.
- A cup of sugar — equilibrium.
- One Big Egg.
- A "tea spoon" of vanilla extract.
- A half of that, but of almond extract, and a different one of salt.
- Two "tea spoons" of zest, spunk, or energy, from an orange.
- One and a half "tea spoons" of orange juice, and one and a half "tea spoons" more of baking powder.
- Three cups of all-purpose or "general" flour.
- A half "tea spoon" of salt. Spicy.
Bonus round! Make the "sugar" part of "sugar cookie":
- Three ounces of Big Egg Whites, which should be three Big Egg Whites.
- Four cups of powdered sugar. Did they use this earlier?
- A half "tea spoon" of vanilla extract.
Alex put them together with the following "techniques":
- Put the butter and the cheese together in the bowl and mix until they're one thing.
- Now put in the Big Eggs, the orange's juice and zest, and the vanilla and almond extracts.
- Mix until they're one thing.
- Wrap your thing in plastic and chill. You should also put it in overnight.
- Make your oven 350 degrees after you chill.
- Put the dough on a floured place, like a cutting board. Cut them into the desired shape, put your parchment on your tray, and put it in the oven for over ten minutes.
- Mix the Big Egg Whites, your powdered sugar, and vanilla extract together.
- Put them in the bowl and mix.
- Put more powdered sugar in and mix again.
- Pour it out, if you did good, it should be thick. If you did bad, you will not have frosting.
- Slather the frosting onto your cookies!
Alex put them in a fun bowl, decorated like the scholar Ephraim Isaac.
Toffee pudding
Alex used the following items as "tools":
- A little pan.
- A ladle, spatula, or bring out the whisk again if you're feeling it.
- Set your little oven stove on fire.
Alex used the following items as "ingredients":
- Eighty grams of muscovado sugar, an unrefined sugar that contains molasses.
- Two "table spoons" of "treacle," which Alex doesn't think actually exists.
- Two "table spoons" of golden syrup.
- Eighty grams of butter!
- One hundred and fifty millimeters of Elmlea Double, a cream.
Alex put them together with the following "techniques":
- Mix all the ingredients except your Emlea into the pan.
- Let it simmer.
- Let the sugar dissolve.
- If it's glossy, pour your Emlea in and start mixing.
- Once the Elmlea is indistinguishable from the rest of it, take it out and let it cool!
Alex put these ones in cups, since they ran out of fun things. They halved the cups full of pudding so they had some for the next big dish:
Hot chocolate, but they've taught you this already.
Everyone is sitting around the table while Alex brings out the food. "Woah, hey, this actually looks really good," Dune says incredulously, looking up at them. "Thank you."
"Let's say grace," Bridget says cheerfully. "The eyes of all look to you, O Lord, and you give them their food at the proper time. You gave us Alex Thorley…" Alex seems a little uncomfortable, but they smile, and place the food down in front of her as she mumbles to herself.
Alex gives everyone a plate and two cups. Paul dips his sugar cookie in the toffee pudding and sighs; "Wow. When did you have time to make all this?"
They shrug mischievously. Alex just doesn't have the time to explain their psycho-dramatic connection to time or the theological struggles they had to be guided through. More than likely, none of it was real anyway.
Alex sat beside two empty seats, where Jane and Jennifer were sitting. "I knew you could do it." Alex wasn't sure which one said that, but they thanked Jane and Jennifer both.
"HEY, UH, ALEX," came the voice of Geoffrey, somehow loud even though he was whispering. "THIS IS REALLY, REALLY SWEET OF YOU. YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE A WEIRD MURDERER WITH NO JOB."
They smiled and waited patiently.
Geoffrey's steel flap opened, messily shoveling food into his mouth with cartoonish groans and gasps. Alex nodded and turned away, scratching at the back of their neck.
"I saw you all had presents," Alex tried to assert, "Would you all want to… exchange them? After we're done eating?"
"Yeah, of course. Actually, I brought you something, Thorley." comes the gruff voice of Doe, sitting with their hands folded on the opposite side of the table.
"What? Really?"
"Yeah! I saw you eyeing one of my things the last time you were assigned to Temporal. I can't just give it away, but I figured you'd enjoy a substitute." Doe smiles mischievously.
"We can get started now, if you want." Paul says, wiping his mouth. Luttermann interjects, "Fuck, this is really good toffee pudding though. Do you have extras?"
Thorley smiles,
and stands up.
| Name of gift giver: | What it is and what it meant to Alex: |
|---|---|
| Director Bridget Callahan | A special book. It belonged to a dead religion, but now it belongs to a thriving one. She insisted the book was something else when she bought it, but she can't remember what. People want you to have peace. |
| Agent Timothy Luttermann | A 50$ Visa gift card. Acknowledgement of who you are, beyond what they see from you. |
| Researcher Geoffrey Harrison | A gumball. Unsure? |
| Researcher Jennifer Williams | Pots, pans, and mittens. You can make your own, now. |
| Director Jay Dune | An illustrated map of all of Eurasia, dated from 2012. You ought to get out more. |
| Researcher John Doe | A Rubik's Cube. In a way, it represents the past. The things they'd lost. But it also represented what was to come — it was like you in that way, a puzzle. |
| Researcher Jane Goe | A dossier. She told you to open it when you got home. Respect, and an air of mystery. |
| Director Paul Lague | A cat. Stability. An apology. |
The Christmas cheer had finally faded, and everyone returned to their temporary quarters. Alex, still smiling, went into their cozy office, their heart still pounding from the excitement of the party.
Everyone loved their cooking. Everyone. Everyone they wanted to like them. Everyone they had never spoken to. Now, those people liked them, and those people spoke to them, and those people would see them tomorrow. They won.
Alex flopped onto their bed, their cat purring as it curled up against their stomach. They closed their eyes, sighing softly, ready to sleep, when… right, the dossier.
They sat up slowly, their cat gently bounding off them and out of sight. Right, there it was. They picked it up, flipping to a random page and reading aloud.
Despite the fact that you could have entered the corpse nine times, it would have been frozen if it had been winter because of the length of time you had spent in the Chönyid Bardo. When seeking rebirth in the Intermediate State, this kind of misery is experienced.
Okay, too random, this didn't make any sense. It said that this was an "excerpt" from… the same book Callahan got Alex by accident. Weird.
Alex flipped back seven pages to the very beginning. Alex, it said mournfully, I'm sorry, but this cannot be allowed to exist.
What?
Christmas is a part of something larger. Predatory. An old man from another world who doesn't understand how we do things here. For the last 33 years, my life has been dedicated to this very moment. But I can't do this anymore. Not alone. But Alex, you're special. You have everything me and Jen had, but it's just you. You can do everything I couldn't, and everything she couldn't. Please. Alex. Do you think you could take over for me?
Alex stared at it, their smile slowly fading. This was too natural.
Interlude
Senior Researcher Jennifer Williams,
After [Period of time of employment.] we are [Sad/relived/excited.] to see you go. Your transfer from [Insert former Department here.] to [Insert current Department here.] has been approved. We are thankful you have continued to dutifully serve the Foundation in our mission.
If you have further inquiries, please contact [Phone Number.] or [Email.]. Transfers are non-negational except under certain circumstances.
Wishing you [The best/Luck.],
Director John Doe
[Department.]
Night 1 - December 23rd, 2055
Interviewed: Unreality Liaison Alex Thorley
Interviewer: Unreality Liaison Alex Thorley
<Begin Log>
Thorley is sitting in the pews, kicking their feet back and forth slowly. They are bundled up in at least three layers of clothes, that being snow socks, long-johns, sweatpants; snow boots; a sweatshirt, a sweater, a winter jacket; mittens; a sanitation mask, a knitted cap, earmuffs; despite this, they are visibly shivering, and their breath comes out in foggy bursts.
Thorley: I didn't expect to see you here tonight.
Thorley enters tentatively through the back of the room. They climb the stairs to the chancel, and begin deconstructing the altar, taking the photograph down from the easel first.
Despite the weather, they are dressed in a black suit, black dress pants, dress shoes, a dress hat, dress gloves, and a dress tie, all also black. They do not seem to be cold.
Thorley: I know Jennifer.
Thorley pauses, turning slowly to face Thorley.
Thorley: I know she isn't dead because we went to Burger King together a few times. If this is a dream, then it's a metaphor?
Both sit in silence as they continue to deconstruct the items on the chancel. They lay the objects flat at the edge of the stage in a row; from left to right, it is the book, the easel, the portrait — now blank — and the disembodied picture of Jennifer Williams. It appears to be imprinted on the stage itself.
Thorley: It's more of a question, I think. What do you want, Alex?
Thorley: What? I'm sorry, I didn't want to bother you.
Thorley: You're not bothering me.
Thorley: Well, your tone, I thought I was—
Thorley: I'm sorry to cut you off, Alex, but I am asking a question. What do you want?
Thorley sits in silence, looking at their feet. They begin kicking back and forth again, making slightly off-beat thumping noises as they do so. The lights of the stars are temporarily obscured by white, fluffy clouds.
It begins to snow. The stars come out again.
Thorley: A Rubik's Cube. A bigger fish tank. Another burger, I think. Oh, some fish, and some more fish I can eat too. Those are two separate things. And…
The wind howls softly. Thorley crosses their arms, leaning against the casket. Their eyes are furrowed wisely and patiently.
Thorley: …A cat.
Thorley: That's all?
Thorley: Oh, well, yeah.
Thorley: You don't want a lot.
Thorley: Not really, I guess.
Thorley: Why do you want a cat and some fish?
Thorley opens their mouth to answer the question, then closes, and thinks, looking back at their feet. They briefly turn their head up to look at them.
Thorley: Are you asking for a deeper reason?
They nod. Thorley looks back down at their feet.
Thorley: Can I sleep on it?
Thorley: Surely.
Thorley: Thanks. Night.
Thorley: Goodnight. I’ll see you in 33 years?
Thorley: What?
Thorley: Oh. Nevermind, you haven’t heard. Well, night.
They begin taking the casket down, carrying it away from the chancel. After some time, they return through the entrance, and slide the disembodied photograph back onto its canvas. They pick the book up under one arm, and the easel under the other, then leave the photograph there. They leave the same way they came.
Throughout this time, Thorley has curled into a ball, facing away from the chancel. They are no longer shivering.
Thorley's eyes are open, and they blink very little. Slowly, clouds cover the starlight, and everything turns into a brownish black.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Even despite this, Thorley is happy…
… not in the way Sisyphus is "happy," either. Thorley's life is meaningful for 33 years without interruption. It's full of heartbreak, friendship, and adventure.
Every 33 years, then, one night, Thorley gets to go on their biggest adventure yet. Into time. Into their mind. Into other dimensions. They get to interfere with the works of gods and monsters. They are a myth to themself, a legend, for one night.
And when it fades away, like how it's supposed to, it doesn't just "stop." Alex will bump into their cat again. Alex will, inexplicably, have a Rubik's cube in their bag whenever they move Sites. They will meet everyone they were going to meet, regardless of whether Christmas exists in that timeline or not.
And most of all, Thorley will get to discover themself. Today, a body fell out of their closet. And it scared them at first, but then it stood up with a grin. Thorley knew this was Thorley, instrumental in the 33 year plan.
They embraced and greeted one another, all smiles and grins and how-are-yous. Because they have each other, and they care. They both want to help.
There's another Thorley at least one of them will visit, standing, scared and frozen on a lake. The prime, conceptual, proto-Thorley. The Essothorley, even. They are matted in fur and scared and lonely, but at least one other Thorley will give them a sip of hot chocolate, and they'll all feel a little better about themselves.
Because in the worlds, real and unreal, no one is truly alone. Everyone gets to eat Christmas dinner eventually, whether they know it's Christmas or not. Everyone can be everyone else, and everyone else can be you.
Within you, and without you. Reflections of one another, like a static filter on a poorly tuned TV scream, reflected in the snow in a parking lot on a winter's night, in the deep, dark, winter's night.
There's a family, somewhere in the night. Eating dinner. Laughing. Giving each other toffee pudding and cats and cubes and sugar cookies. And standing in the corner, smiling proudly, always, will be Alex Thorley, Unreality Liaison.
Merry Christmas, Alex Thorley. You'll get to move on someday. And so will you.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a goodbye.
