第2夜 - 2024年12月24日
视频记录
[记录开始]
Thorley坐在空荡教堂的一把长椅上，抚着自己腿上放着的一个花环。教堂黑暗而空荡，在风吹过时吱吱作响。祭坛被从内而外地撕裂开。Thorley sits on a pew in an empty church, stroking a wreath which they hold in their lap. The church is dark and empty, and creaks as the wind bellows. The chancel has been torn open from the inside out.
Thorley：如果我有个魔方，我每天都会玩。 If I had a Rubik's cube, I would play with it every day.
彵的嗓音回荡着。Their voice echoes.
Thorley：没有那么深奥吧，我猜。就是好玩。 It's not that deep, I guess. It's just fun.
彵站起身，将花环放下，在过道里来回走动。彵爬上祭坛的台阶，然后停下，转身，又爬下，走向那花环。彵盯着它，碰了碰它的边缘，又开始踱步。They stand, putting the wreath down and pacing up and down the aisle. They begin to climb the stairs to the chancel, then stop, spin around, and climb down down, walking to the wreath. They stare at it, touch its side, then begin pacing again.
Thorley：但我想要一只猫和一些鱼是因为，看到它们让我伤感。它们不跟我说话，还有，看到我，不经常，但我看到它们，它们总是显得很忧伤。猫更加。尤其是在圣诞节前后。我想很混乱，商店会怎样提供那些宠物的圣诞折扣，然后因为没有人照顾它们，它们到最后会死在池塘或者哪里。如果我是一只动物，也会想有个家的。我知道我不喜欢被扔来扔去。 But I'd like a cat and some fish because, seeing them makes me sad. They don't talk to me, I mean, see me, a lot, but I see them and they always look sad. Cats more so. Especially around Christmas. I think it's messed up how stores will offer these Christmas discounts on pets, and then because no one can take care of them, they just end up in the pound or something. I'd want a home too if I was an animal. I know I don't like being tossed around.
Thorley stops. The floor creaks, visibly sinking.
Thorley: I'd like to live in one place forever.
They clutch their coat tightly around them, suddenly beginning to shiver. They run up the chancel stairs, and peek into the hole they made. Inside the hole is Researcher Jennifer Williams, whose eyes are closed. Thorley stops moving. Williams opens her eyes, and smiles, beginning to sit up.
Williams: Here. I'm warm enough.
Williams becomes transparent, then disappears. Thorley gasps, reaching out, but then retracts their hand. They stare into the hole, and the wind begins to blow louder.
Thorley: Okay.
They climb back into the hole, sliding their legs into an unseen crawlspace. They lift their hands to pull some of the boards back into place, but there are still some gaps.
The moonlight shines through, illuminating green, red and white tassel in the rafters. Thorley huddles for warmth against the ground.
Thorley: Thanks.
The moonlight becomes obscured by dark clouds. The tassel disappears into the shadow again as the wind howls. Thorley spins around to face away from the gaps in the floorboards, closing their eyes. As the shadows grow longer and deeper, everything blurs into a dark brown coloration.
There is a clicking, then, Thorley lights a match. It is unclear how they did this, but they appear to have found a lighter, which they slide into their back pocket. They are visibly panting.
They crawl forward, into an unknown crawlspace. Wet, slapping sounds are audible all around them; they cover their face and shuffle forward with their shoulders. The crawlspace is devoid of any other signs of life, aside from occasional cobwebs.
They make a turn left, where they find the Bardo Thödröl, laying in a pile of snow and opened to a page.
They crawl to it, and grab it by the bottom, pulling it from the snow. They hold the match up to the book, staring at it and muttering.
Thorley: Wait, please, I don't understand what this says…
A gust of wind sends more snow falling into the crawlspace. The wind blows out the match. Thorley turns heel, and begins shuffling out the way they came. As they enter the darkness, it coalesces into a dull brown.
[END LOG]
December 24th, 2022. This is not the Alex Thorley I knew. They must be so stressed out. I see them click clacking away on their computer, sometimes spinning in circles on their chair to think.
They've set up tassels around the office. People are starting to notice the smell. I didn't think Alex had an oven in here, but they set it up while I wasn't looking.
It smells amazing. I knew they'd be able to do it.
"I'll show you the recipe I've developed," they call from behind the wall. I nod back, smiling. "Thank you for telling me to do this, I didn't realize how fun it would be," they come around the corner in an apron, holding something in a steamy tray.
I can't tell what it is yet.
"I hope it's good enough for the party. I've never done this, you know," I nod in return, standing to walk to their desk as they do. They pull out their chair and sit, resting their stove-gloved hands.
"I'm nervous." They admit sheepishly. I want to give them a big speech, but instead I put my hand on their glove, and tell them not to be. "Do you think they'll like it?"
Of course they will, Alex. You've been working so hard now.
They'll appreciate it. "But will they eat it?" Of course they will, Alex. It's good food.
"How do you know?" I can smell it in the air.
"Be serious." I am being serious.
"I made some hot chocolate. Would you wanna try it with me?" Of course, Alex. "Cool. Cool…" We step back around the corner.
Containment Breach Report 01/A
Date: December 24th, 2022
Incident: You were going to need every recipe you've learned for this. You stood at the edge of a frozen lake in the woods. Snow billowed across the sky, sending swathes of ice and bone through your few sources of warmth.
There was a great swirling darkness above and below you, and in front of you, in the middle of the lake, was your reflection. They stood there, afraid.
But you were not afraid.
You kneeled in front of your makeshift stove, its fire still burning, even as sleek white snow tossed wet wind into it. Beside you were the ingredients you needed, and your trusted book.
You were going to teach your reflection how to make mom's homemade goods.
You pondered what to get first, your hand shaking as it scanned across the steaming, blurry pile. Crepes? Sugar cookies? Toffee pudding?
Your hand brushes a packet of hot chocolate flavoring. Let's start simple.
- Whole milk powder. Various kinds of altered milk can be spray-dried to create whole milk powder. It is concentrated and then evaporated, leaving milk particles. Sometimes it can drum dried, which means its stretched over a heated industrial dryer, but the brand you use is Meyenberg Whole Powdered Goat Milk.
- Powdered sugar. A refined form of sugar, ranging from XXX to 10X and below and beyond, it is used when greater speed is needed for a recipe. Domino Foods, Inc. makes good powdered sugar.
- Creamer.1 Lactose free coffee creamer can act as a replacement for milk. It won't be lactose free because of the whole milk powder, so don't give it to your friends. You use Nestle's Coffee-mate, usually Peppermint. You'll use Pumpkin Spice for Halloween!
- Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. Self-explanatory.
- Lactaid chocolate milk. Also lactose free. It's sweeter than normal milk because of all the chemical filtering they have to do. Mixing a glass of this with your already sugary ingredients will make it so sweet!
You read this out loud to your reflection, and watched carefully for their reaction.
They were sprawled out on the ice like a deer, but you could see a hint of recognition in their eyes.
You casted your eyes back down and flipped open a book. It was your recipe book, not your trusted book, but it was almost as trusted. You slid open the pages, brushing the snow away when it fell, searching for the instructions on how to mix your ingredients together.
Your reflection stared at you with black doe eyes. They were fading, and fast. You scrolled through the tome, page after page, until— There!
- A stainless steel non-slippery mixing bowl. Colloquially known as a "mixing bowl," this bowl is used for mixing, and more importantly, is not slippery. This is where you will "whisk" the food. See below for further details.
- An 11-inch balloon whisk. It has a good grippable handle. You use this whisk to whisk food, which means creating little bubble pockets in the mix. You whisk the food in the mixing bowl, which is described above.
- A blender. You do not have this. It would give the mix a finer texture if you had it, but you don't. It's just you, the lake, the storm, the oven, and your reflection out here. If you did have it, however, you would blend one cup of powder at a time, to make sure it didn't clog the blender.
- An airtight container? You put it in Tupperware. It should be fine!
Without your blender, you had to make due. After putting it in your mixing bowl, the whisk gripped well because of its special gripping technology, you were able to mix your ingredients into a fine, single powder, thick and fluffy to the touch.
You slowly poured a spoonful of your mix into a glass of chocolate milk. Then another. Then another. Then another.
Then another. Then another. Then one more… then you squeezed the syrup down, too, and you mixed it all together with a noisy spoon. Clink clink clink clink…
You slid your concoction into the oven. The fire lapped at it, taking sips, groaning at your mastery of the culinary arts. It rewarded you by allowing you to huddle with it against the cold wind. You hoped your reflection could feel it too.
After some time, it spat out the remains to you, letting you hold the carcass of the cup. You put it on the ice, positioning it, then… you pulled you arm back, pushing your wrist outwards, and spun back as you slid it forward.
It silently glided across the ice, true in its course. The brown liquid was swallowed by wind, and for a moment, you couldn't see your reflection.
The world was swallowed whole. You covered your eyes, gripping onto your trusted book as the wind roared.
But it did not last forever.
You heard the unmistakable sound of a snow scraper, and felt the fine texture on your eyes. You flinched, but a hand took your chin, goading you into staying. Thank you, Alex. Did you get your cocoa?
The hand let go of you. When you opened your eyes, the storm had drained out, somewhere far away.
That dull grey,
like a Corolla run through by a deer,
had drained from the sky,
leaving you
and your reflection. They sat there, their legs folded under them, a cup of hot chocolate in their hand. They sipped slowly, the black of their eyes giving away into your natural color. They looked at you, and you looked at them. You could taste your own recipe in your mouth.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"What are you doing out on the ice?"
"Same as you, I guess."
"Oh. Yeah."
They stood, and began walking. You followed, mirroring their movements effortlessly. You met at the banks of the river, the threshold. They put their hands in their pockets, shrugging sadly. "I'll see you in 33 years?"
"I'll see you in 33 years." You crossed the threshold, and so did they. As you went, there was a moment where your bodies were entirely symmetrical, and in that moment you were forced into a hunch, then onto all fours, and in an instant, you were a deer.
Similarly, they rose from their quadruped stance into a hunch, then onto their back two legs, and they stumbled a bit — but then they got it, as all the hair and bones fell off their body, and they were you.
You went to sit in the middle of the lake, while the former-deer went to sit in the middle of your office. You huddled against the ice, feeling something pecky beneath you — a swirling darkness —
as it began to snow.
It's Christmas Eve. I should be waiting, sleeping, and dreaming, but I can't. I'm too excited to show everyone my cooking tomorrow.
I'm so scared to show everyone my cooking tomorrow. My friend went on a trip, but she'll come back to see my cooking tomorrow.
I realized these were her pots and her pans. I'm glad she let me borrow them. I spent so much time thinking about eating food when I could have made some.
I had a dream that there was a holly bush, and inside of it was a deer. And the deer wouldn't eat any of the berries, even though it could. It was too scared. I knew the deer in real life, so I knew it was a metaphor about helplessness, but I wondered why it wasn't in a church anymore.
It's sort of like the church is fading away. All I have is my trusted book, now. I understand it way better than I thought I ever could.
I visited the lake again, and I read out a trusted recipe. My reflection stood on the sides of the river bank and swayed, like they were hurt, but I was not hurt. So I pulled my book out, and I read this part to them:
Only food that has been specifically given to you may be eaten by you. No other food is allowed. There is no way to know for sure who will be friends during the length of time.
Despite the fact that you could have entered the corpse nine times, it would have been frozen if it had been winter because of the length of time you had spent in the Chönyid Bardo. When seeking rebirth in the Intermediate State, this kind of misery is experienced.
That's why you won't be able to find a way in, and you'll feel really squeezed.
This is what happens to people in the Intermediate State when they're trying to reborn. When you're trying to meditate, don't focus on getting a body. Instead, let your mind be content with being resigned and acting in accordance with that state. One is set free from the Bardo by this coming face to face.2
I don't think they understood. They stared at me with these black doe eyes, and then we walked away from each other, opposite ways against the lake. I still hear the deer crying out occasionally, but there's nothing I can do until I'm done preparing this food.
I'm so glad my friend gave me her pots and pans. I hope she's doing okay. I hope she comes to the party tomorrow. It's Christmas!