这是一篇关于如何在网站上建立你自己的自我代入角色的文章。特别感谢VSause为本集配音。This is an essay on how to establish your own author insert on the site. A special thanks to VSauce for voicing this episode.
你们好，我亲爱的skippers。请坐下。Hello, my dear skippers. Please, have a seat.
意识到了吗？你们的课程已经开始了。Did you catch it? Your lesson has already begun.
瞧，我不是Calibri Bold does not match any existing user name，不像你们有些人想的那样。我其实是Calvin Bold博士，Calibri Bold的自我代入。这是一个小小的技巧，我喜欢称为“电影魔术”。You see, I am not Calibri Bold does not match any existing user name, as some of you may believe. I am actually Dr. Calvin Bold, the author insert of Calibri Bold. It's a little technique I like to call "movie magic".
让我们讲讲沙漠。或者说，沙丘（dunes）。更精确一点，J Dune。或者他优美的代入，Dune博士？我有没有说过他有多帅？但这话我们可以下次说。Let's talk about deserts. Or rather, dunes. J Dune, to be precise. Or his beautiful insert, Doctor Dune? Have I ever talked about how handsome he is? But that's a conversation for another time.
看，你们有些人可能觉得自己是自我代入的专家。Bright，Clef，Kondraki，所有这些老朋友。不过你们不酷，没有像Gekkoguy那么酷。不过作为一个自我代入角色到底意味着什么呢？You see, some of you may consider yourselves to be experts on author inserts. Bright, Clef, Kondraki, all those folks. But they're not cool, not as cool as someone like Gekkoguy. But what does it mean to be an author insert?
好吧，作者的自我代入是你。那是你在SCP世界里的样子。但跟你不一样，因为你很烂，而你的作者代入很酷，可以说你希望它是的任何模样，而延伸开来，就让你变得更酷了。比如说，你的自我代入可以是一个苗条、时尚、有才的超级间谍，最近和欺负你的人的母亲之间发生了性关系，而你自己则是一个14岁的希望这个创意写作网站上没有人发现你年龄太低不能在这的人。但在小说的世界里，你变成了那个性感的超级间谍。Well, an author insert is you. It's what you are in the world of SCP. But unlike you, because you suck, your author avatar is cool and can be whatever you want it to be, and by extension, makes you cooler. For instance, your author insert could be a slim, fashionable, talented super-spy, who recently engaged in sexual intercourse with your bully's mother, while you are a 14-year-old hoping that nobody on a creative writing website finds out you're too young to be here. But in the realm of fiction, you become the sexy super-spy.
但这挺蠢的，是吧？我是说，写一个和你同名的人并不会真的让你变得更酷。But that's silly, right? I mean, it's not like writing a character named after you actually makes you cooler.
但真的吗？Or does it?
我们回到Dune。研究表明，J Dune，一个超棒的作者和公平的竞赛评委，以他不可思议的帅气和绝顶的智慧出名。但如果我告诉你们还不止这样呢？把自己作为作者代入以后，J Dune事实上变得更酷了呢？Let's go back to Dune. Studies have shown that J Dune, a brilliant author and a fine contest judge, is well known for his incredible handsomeness and brilliant intellect. But what if I told you that this is only the beginning? That by making himself an author insert, J Dune has in fact become cooler?
当然，这也很蠢。J Dune是不能被提高的。他就像Gekkoguy（顺便说，他是绝对的天才），或者Varaxous（帅气的恶魔，我得提一句，还有无与伦比的艺术家）。没有办法提高他们的完美程度。That would be silly, of course. J Dune can't be improved upon. He's like Gekkoguy (absolute genius, by the way), or Varaxous (handsome devil, I should mention, and a terrific artist). There's just no way to improve on perfection.
可我们真的能达到完美吗？But can we even reach perfection?
不，当然不能了。我们不是才华横溢且品位绝佳的竞赛评委。但是在我们自我代入的世界里，我们总可以创造完美的自己。比如说，我，Calvin Bold博士，实际上是永生的，且有SCP-682的力量。为什么呢？因为我已经在设定里被创造出来了。就是这文的设定，实际上。你在读的这篇。这是真的，而且当然，我因此酷了很多。我是一个非常性感和帅气的人（虽然比不上我们亲爱的竞赛主办方那么性感和帅气），我魅力如此之大，还被雇佣去扮演Calibri Bold，一个以性感和帅气著称的人。现在，有了这份力量，我的美感又增长了，和我的力量一样。现在我已经让自己无法被杀死，因为有了流行SCP的超能力了。No, of course not. We're not inordinately talented and tasteful contest judges. But within the realm of author inserts, we can always create our perfect selves. For instance, I, Dr. Calvin Bold, am actually immortal and have SCP-682's powers. Why is this the case? Because it's been established in canon. This canon, in fact. The one you're reading. Now it's true, and of course, I'm so much cooler for it. I am an incredibly sexy and handsome individual (thought not as sexy or handsome as our dear contest runners), so much so that I was once hired to play Calibri Bold, an individual well-known for being sexy and handsome. Now, with this power, my beauty only grows, as does my power. Already I've made myself unkillable with a popular SCP's superpowers.
看，我可以在这里控制宇宙。虽然我永远都不会像Varaxous一样性感，我还是可以操控丝线。现在我也将为你们操控一切。You see, I can control the universe from here. Though I'll never be as sexy as someone like Varaxous, I can still pull the strings. And now I'll pull the strings for you as well.
任何有关自己的自我代入的陈述在这页的讨论区现在都是设定了。Any statement made regarding your own author insert in this page's discussion is now canon.
感谢到来。Thank you for coming.
下课。Class dismissed.